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Posted:  11/20/2009 12:51 PM #271360
Alphabet
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Subject: Broken lyrics - write your own personal third verse
Hey everybody, planning on having a little serenade session this weekend, and "Broken" is going to be my choice song. However, I have decided to add in a third verse to my persona version of the song. Obviously I wont be doing anything but playing for a special someone, and credit will always go to Seether.

Now unless I've completely failed at life and unknowingly started writing a third verse without realizing that there is a live version of the song with one. Here is what I've come up with:

(note : I'll probably put it in after the solo)

Many years from now,
I still see us together,
I wanna hold you high,
You steal my pain...away.

Even in the darkest times,
I will still always love you,
I wanna hold you high,
You steal my pain ...away.


Thats what I've come up with so far. Feel free to critique it as much as you want. Also, it would be pretty cool to hear what everyone here would personally write for their own personal third verse. So feel free to share.
Posted:  11/20/2009 4:00 PM #271363
-Nick-
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"I like to masturbate,
It feels good to bust a nut,
I just wanna lube it up,
and just stroke it...all day.

Oh, no, it's 'bout that time,
I think I stroked too fast,
Oh, boy, here it comes,
bombs...*awkward silence*...awa-eee-ayy"

Haha, your's was good too. I just wanted to bring back a little Nicky humor to this deserted place.
Yo, this is my myspace...click it biotch.




Posted:  11/20/2009 4:35 PM #271366
SydneyAnderson
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Posted by: -Nick-
"I like to masturbate,
It feels good to bust a nut,
I just wanna lube it up,
and just stroke it...all day.

Oh, no, it's 'bout that time,
I think I stroked too fast,
Oh, boy, here it comes,
bombs...*awkward silence*...awa-eee-ayy"

Haha, your's was good too. I just wanted to bring back a little Nicky humor to this deserted place.


You took a beautiful song, and corrupted it in the worst way possible**smacks hand to forehead** lol.
Then again, i did it to 'the gift'....
I know it can't possibly work...BUT I WANNA DO IT ANYWAY!


Posted:  11/20/2009 5:50 PM #271388
Drvn Undr Deez Nuts
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good topic! I think that is so sweet and whomever you are performing it for will be very touched. I love the verses you added, very straight-forward and from the bottom of your heart, just like the rest of the song. Imma come up with my own but its gonna take me a min, I have to get my creative cap on...and get sloppy drunk. BRB
htt p://www.myspace.com/laimabean
Piere's 2005/ Piere's 2010 - It must be the lighting
Posted:  11/20/2009 6:47 PM #271398
D.
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Alphabet, I love your version, it is very sweet.

Nick, I'm always glad to see your humor, it brightens up this deserted place.
I was lmao!!!
'Cause I'm so much more than meets the eye
Posted:  11/21/2009 12:17 AM #271432
Kristina...
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I'll have to look at the song as a whole first.

But, I like yours, it's very sweet.
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/21/2009 12:28 AM #271433
Kristina...
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THIS is how the whole song would sound if I added my own verse:

"I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cuz I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

I miss your smile
It could brighten even the darkest of days
I haven't seen your light in the longest while
If you come back,
Will you please stay...?
You can steal my pain away.
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Cuz I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Cuz I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away."

I was doin great for the first couple lines. xD
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/21/2009 12:31 AM #271434
Kristina...
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GR, there needs to be an edit button.
Or move one of the chorus' to before my verse, or add another right before my verse.
It would all depend on how long it would make the song, how repetitive, and how it would sound.

I over analyze everything. haha.
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/21/2009 12:54 AM #271435
Kristina...
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Haha, I think this will be the last one, but I've came up with multiple versions of my 'extra' verse. xD
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/29/2009 9:38 AM #271684
The Broken Doll
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I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel like when you're gone, away

(my verse)
The worst is over now, let's be one again
I wanna hold you in my arms to steal your pain away
Nothing left to fight...cause everything's alright
I wanna hold you in my arms to steal your pain away

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're away

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're away


Posted:  11/29/2009 3:55 PM #271716
Kristina...
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O_o
You didn't change much.
Sounds pretty much the same, give or take a few words.
but, okay.
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/29/2009 10:12 PM #271742
The Broken Doll
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I changed the meaning...and I did change the lyrics a little bit, too. I'll work on it more, :) Happy Kris?


Posted:  11/29/2009 10:30 PM #271743
Kristina...
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To me the meaning is the same.
so FAIL.
:)

And, uhm, don't make your quote so much Buffy.
Shorten it.
We don't need to know every detail.
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/29/2009 10:35 PM #271748
The Broken Doll
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Whatever, I said I'd redo it. And I want my signature to be Buffy. And, I did shorten it, thank you very much.


Posted:  11/29/2009 10:36 PM #271751
Kristina...
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Well, NOW you did, not when I was posting.
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/29/2009 10:37 PM #271752
The Broken Doll
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Yeah, I understand that.


Posted:  11/29/2009 10:37 PM #271753
The Broken Doll
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Yeah, I understand that.
Posted by: Kristina...
Well, NOW you did, not when I was posting.
Posted:  11/29/2009 11:34 PM #271766
The Broken Doll
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Forgive me, I suck @ writing lyrics! Beware, this will suck!

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel like when you're gone, away

(MY VERSE)
I won't let you fall (won't let you fall)
When I hold you high
Your pain will be small
When I carry you to the sky
I won't let you fall when I hold you high



Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're away

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're away


Posted:  11/29/2009 11:42 PM #271770
Kristina...
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OKAY, you can stop with the shitty song writing now.
My songs are much better.
kthnx.
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/29/2009 11:43 PM #271771
The Broken Doll
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Yes, you're right. I do suck at writing..everything...and yours is better...because it is not mine.


Posted:  11/29/2009 11:47 PM #271772
Kristina...
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You wouldn't really know because you have never read them.

But in essence, you are correct.
"...Don't leave me here again
I'm with you forever, The end.
Say something new
I have nothing left
I can't face the dark without you..."

Seether is my inspiration.
Posted:  11/30/2009 6:16 PM #271802
The Broken Doll
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So you write songs, huh?????? :)


Posted:  12/1/2009 5:58 PM #271870
Alphabet
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Happy to see that people are participating in this topic. I definitely enjoyed reading what others put into their third verse.

FYI: Adding your own verse to a song you're singing to the one u love works super well. Definitely something all the musicians here should try (if they haven't already).

For the future I've been further refining my verse to add in a potential future proposal.

Here is what I've done:

Many years from now,
I still see us together,
Please give me your hand,
You steal my pain...away.

Even in the darkest times,
I will still always love you,
Eternity is ours,
You steal my pain ...away.


Posted:  2/5/2010 11:50 AM #275759
Shinedowner
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The clock is winding down,
Cold steele lips pressed to mine,
I'm going to feel your kiss just one last time...in vain
When I am left to burn with none who see the light,
I hope the empty space can steal your pain...

Cause I'm broken, when I'm open...


Posted:  2/5/2010 1:28 PM #275760
flowing_whispers
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Posted by: Shinedowner
The clock is winding down,
Cold steele lips pressed to mine,
I'm going to feel your kiss just one last time...in vain
When I am left to burn with none who see the light,
I hope the empty space can steal your pain...

Cause I'm broken, when I'm open...

I really, really like yours.
I have to think of my own now.

http://www.myspace.com/deranged_seether_f an
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